I’m a pretty ordinary person. I don’t try to make a lot of waves. I’m a homebody for sure. I would prefer not to be the center of attention if it can be avoided. We aren’t rich by any means nor are we poor. I was not at the top of my class in school but smack in the middle. Nothing too exciting ever happens to me, and to be honest I prefer it that way. Knowing this information, one can see how out of my comfort zone writing a blog actually is!
April 7 was my 28th birthday, but little did I know that April 6, 2018 would be a life changing day for me.
I had my birthday all planned out. We would finally have a night without our kids at the ever swanky Olive Garden, and my large pregnant self wanted an entire Ritter’s ice cream cake for dessert. Nothing too exciting, just like me.
Earlier that week, I had asked my OBGYN if it was normal to have a lump in your breast during pregnancy. He decided it was in an abnormal spot, so he set me up for an Ultrasound the next day. The radiologist looked at it and thought it looked a little abnormal and biopsied it just to be sure. On Friday, my OBGYN called down to the OR (where I work) to have me come up to the office so he could go over my results. I have worked in the medical field long enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
He came in shaking his head and told me what no one ever wants to hear.
The earth seemed to fall out from under me. He asked if he needed to call someone for me or if I needed to sit there a minute, but all I wanted at that moment was to get out of that hospital as quick as I could.
I am 33 weeks pregnant and 27.999 years old?
Of course this news happened on a Friday afternoon, so I had no idea when I would have any more information on my current situation. I called my boss to tell her I wouldn’t be back down to work; that I had to go home. I asked her to have one of my favorite surgeons call me when he had a break from operating. I needed to ask him some questions about my options. I ran to the locker room and changed clothes as quickly as I could not wanting to see anyone. I practically ran through the parking lot which was not pretty (33 weeks pregnant remember?)
I am a fidgety person, and I prefer to be busy rather than idle, so I started calling people. As long as I was moving, doing, fixing, everything was ok. After a flurry of phone calls to family and doctor’s offices, my now FAVORITE surgeon had personally called a breast surgeon in Indy and got me on her schedule that very next Tuesday. (Have I mentioned he is my favorite?)
And after that, there was nothing to do but wait. That’s when it all sank in.
I was standing in our kitchen with my mom, my face got tingly, and it got very hard to breathe. I wasn’t sure if it was the baby sitting in my lungs or the fact that I was just told I had cancer or that my surgeon had looked at the biopsy report and said he was worried for me.
In times like these people ask,
“Where is God?”
He was right next to me in the doctor’s office. I could feel his presence with me when I called Jordan to tell him the news. I could feel his arms wrapped around me while our families came to sit and pray with us.
Psalms 34:18 says, “The LORD is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
And Boy was I broken-hearted! So I know God was with me. I have never doubted God’s love for me, and honestly, I didn’t question it now. As someone who was practically birthed right into the church pew, this was comforting to know about my faith.
I now know beyond a shadow of doubt, that even in the darkest of days, God loves me and He is orchestrating something great out of my circumstances. Maybe it is to just grow me personally in my faith, or maybe it is to have a new platform to share the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Do I know what he is orchestrating is even now?
But this diagnosis will not be in vain. I will use every opportunity as a chance to bring praise and glory to the creator of the universe who has blessed me beyond measure. I want to make it my mission that everyone knows that Jesus Christ died on the cross for us “while we were still sinners.” (Romans 5:8) I want to let others know that we can have hope in this hopeless and broken world, knowing that eternal life in heaven awaits us.
Should this have been my mission before this diagnosis?
I may have wasted opportunities before but I am definitely more aware now and pray God will give me the courage and the strength to continue to grow in my ministry.
I have the most amazing family. I have a church family (both locally and collectively) that has lifted me up in prayer continually the last few weeks and has offered everything short of their firstborn to help our family. I have amazing coworkers and people in the community that I don’t even know personally offering to help.
Romans 12:12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.”
So, it was not the birthday I had envisioned but it was a memorable one!
He is able. We are faithful.